Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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