i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
