If i come over, it means nothing
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
