New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize