we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
