Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
