Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
