Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize