Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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