Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
