She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
