Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
