yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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