I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
