hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
