I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
