Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize