it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
