It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
