New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
