Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
