Don't you send me to vm
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just want to make out with him forever
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
