just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
