He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
