we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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