her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
