walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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