Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
