I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
porn star boner night. come get it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
