We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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