I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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