so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
