I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well I just put wine in my tea
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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