Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I had to cum in my sink.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
