drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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