I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize