If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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