I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
