We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
