Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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