the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
