Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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