I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
