i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
