My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
