margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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