i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
