I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
