How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
