Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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