Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
