did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
