WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
