Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
