It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
