After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
