East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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