Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
