Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
