I want to have your abortion
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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