I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
