your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
