Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
