i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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