a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize