I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
