i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
