he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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