just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
