I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
