I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
