Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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