Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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