he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have feelings that need drinking.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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