i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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