i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
