Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
