man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
