I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
PANTIES FOUND
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize