I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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