I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
