I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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