My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
