That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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