Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
