im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
