I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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