I didn't shave. On purpose
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize