Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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