i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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