I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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