I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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