Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you didnt know i had herpes?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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