Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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