I just made out with a guy for $7.
we made out on top of his cat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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