Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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