i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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