Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
