My liver just broke up with me...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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