please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
